


Romance is dead (I shot it in the chest and in the head)

by megyal



Category: Naruto
Genre: Community: kakairu_kink, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka hates sappy, romantic gestures. Kakashi keeps doing them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romance is dead (I shot it in the chest and in the head)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://kakairu-kink.livejournal.com/704.html?thread=859072) over at kakairu_kink at livejournal. Title=lyrics from a FOB song.

Iruka pursed his lips and stared at the bouquet placed right in the middle of his desk. He tapped his fingers on the wooden surface; maybe if he skewered it long enough with his stare, it would burst into flames.

"Iruka," Kurenai said from the door. He twitched and then turned his head towards her. She raised her eyebrows at him, shifting the box she held in her hands, and Iruka tried to adjust the level of annoyance that was probably radiating out of him, like killer-intent waves. 

"Ready?" he asked, getting up and reaching for his satchel hanging on the side of his chair. Kurenai nodded, her red gaze drifting to his bouquet.

"Aren't you going to bring that home?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"No," Iruka answered, very shortly. Kurenai raised her eyebrows at him, and Iruka sighed. He liked working with her, now that she'd taken up a post at the Academy. He had never spent a lot of time around her before now, and he found something refreshing in her quiet sense of humour. It wasn't fair to take his ire out on her.

"No," he said again, a bit more calmly this time. "I'll just leave them here. To die."

"Like all the others?" Her tone was very mild, but Iruka thought he could detect a tremor of laughter. "That's not very nice."

"I know it isn't," Iruka said, glancing around to make sure the room was neat for the weekend.

"Sometimes, I wish I had someone to give me flowers," Kurenai said. Iruka stilled; she sounded very matter-of-fact, not wistful or sad, but...it was kind of wistful and sad to hear it. Iruka took up the fussy collection of bright blooms.

"Here," he said. "You can have these. It's not like I'm going to use them, anyway."

Kurenai laughed. "That's not very romantic," she said.

Iruka said, "I _know_."

+

He walked with Kurenai to the house she used to share with Asuma, leaving the flowers on her desk and playing with the baby for awhile in an attempt to calm himself. He strolled to his own apartment-block nearby, and opened the door to find a sweet scent stifling the air, while about two hundred candles were placed in neat rows on the wooden floor.

"Shit," he said, all his baby-induced peace boiling away. "Kakashi! This is...this is a fire hazard, is what it is."

"In here," Kakashi's deep, sultry voice came from the bedroom. "Come on in, honey-eyes."

"Please _do not_ call me that," Iruka said, and stalked towards his bedroom. He stopped at the door, staring. Kakashi was sprawled on the bed, dressed in some black, silky get-up; even his eye-patch was of the same material. Rose-petals of all shades were scattered over the sheets. Kakashi's smile was predatory.

"What," Iruka said, heavily, "the _fuck_ are you doing?"

Kakashi frowned. "Don't curse like that. You're a _teacher_."

Iruka said, "Get the hell out of that bed. Come out here and talk to me," before turning on his heel and stomping back out into the living space. He clapped his hands together, going through the signs for a tiny wind-release to blow out all these damned candles. When Kakashi came out of the bedroom, still clad in that formless robe, he scowled at the lack of amorous mood-lighting.

"I took a long time to light those, you know," he said, settling down on the sofa and adjusting his robe in a prim manner. Then, he folded his arms and stared straight ahead, not turning his head when Iruka sat down near him.

"Come on, you used a _katon_ ," Iruka scoffed. "Look. How long have we been seeing each other?"

"Two months and twenty-nine days," Kakashi answered promptly. "It's almost our three-month anniversary." He didn't look at Iruka, but continued to stare at the opposite wall. "If that is of any interest to _you_ , that is."

It wasn't _really_ , not to Iruka, but he wasn't about to say that, not when Kakashi was methodically putting on his cold persona at the moment. Iruka figured he used that to keep most people away from his heart, because Kakashi was probably the most romantic person Iruka had ever met.... and they both knew Gai. Iruka had been pretty shocked the first time they'd had sex. Kakashi said it had been _making love_ , and had been so careful handling Iruka's body, Iruka had nearly screamed, and not in a good way. 

The flowers had been infuriatingly regular after that, and now and again Iruka would find a lengthy love-note tucked into one of the pockets of his flak-jacket. Once, one had fallen out when he had pulled out a kunai during a sparring-session with Genma, who was probably _the worst_ person to have picked it up and read it aloud.

Genma had rolled on the ground for about five minutes after reading about how Kakashi admired the lush fall of Iruka's dark hair and how it contrasted delicately with the white of his pillows.

Iruka took a deep breath and said, "I don't appreciate the flowers being sent to me at work, Kakashi. I actually--"

"You know what I don't appreciate?" Kakashi cut in, level and bored. "I don't _appreciate_ my letters sent back with corrections for grammar and spelling. Maybe you haven't realized, or probably you just don't care, but I didn't spend a lot of time as a child learning those things."

"Apparently not," Iruka snapped, stung. "And your handwriting is kind of horrible, too."

Kakashi lifted one shoulder, a careless shrug. "I suppose."

Iruka leaned back against the sofa, folding his own arms and fuming. How could Kakashi even think that Iruka wanted to be treated this way? He had never made any indication that he was charmed by _any_ of this. It was actually kind of offensive, now that he thought about it, that Kakashi would make such an assumption.

"I hate flowers," he muttered.

"Do you?" Kakashi asked. "How surprising. I would have _never_ known, at least not from the way you don't bring them home."

"Then why do you keep giving them to me?!" Iruka exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Maybe because one day I hope to melt your cold, cold heart."

"My heart is not cold," Iruka said, pointing a lecturing finger at the side of Kakashi's face. "Get that clear. I'm just... _practical_."

Kakashi finally looked at him, but out of the corner of his normal eye.

"'Practical'. I see. Thank you for informing me," and then he gazed straight ahead again.

Iruka exhaled heavily and then tried a different tact, since this one was obviously in the crash-and-burn stage.

"Do I look like the kind of person who likes that sort of thing?"

"You look like someone I like to do that sort of thing _for_ ," Kakashi said, very unhelpfully. "My apologies if you don't like it. I'll stop."

"No, just," Iruka said, and then felt the sides of his mouth turn down in dismay. _I like to do this for you_ , was what he was hearing from Kakashi. He really didn't like it, but he didn't want to trample all over Kakashi's attempts to make him happy. He just _really didn't like it_. "Just. Okay. Could you explain why you like to do it? For me?" He smiled shyly, and felt triumphant inside when Kakashi finally turned fully to face him; the man was absolutely _weak_ for shy, sweet Iruka. He was such an adorable cliche, and suddenly Iruka's heart was big with loving affection for him.

"I just do," Kakashi said, picking his way slowly through his words. "It's like being in an _Icha-Icha_."

Iruka manfully did not roll his eyes.

"I like...wooing," Kakashi went on. "And slow seduction. All those things. No one's ever done it for me before, so I--"

Iruka cut him off, one hand actually chopping through the air. "Wait. No one has ever given you chocolates, or roses? Little gifts like that?"

Kakashi thought for a moment. "Rin gave me a medical bag, once. I still have it. And a special kunai from my sensei. Oh, Asuma gave me some good wrappings. Nice quality, too."

Iruka reached out and took one of Kakashi's hands between both of his. "No, I mean, something romantic and not really....you know. Practical." Iruka smiled as he said this, and Kakashi offered a small one in return.

"No. Never."

Iruka stared at him for a long time, and Kakashi withstood his scrutiny in silence.

"That is _so sad_ ," Iruka finally said, and Kakashi actually burst into laughter. Iruka started laughing as well, mostly because he liked Kakashi's laugh: it was low and yet full, and Iruka wanted to hear it all the time. 

When their laughter petered out, Iruka said, "Kakashi, I'm really glad you like to think of me that way, but--"

"You don't like it," Kakashi finished, and nodded. "All right. I'll stop."

"But now that I know you like it, I really want to do it for you." Iruka lifted the hand he was holding, and pressed a kiss to the back of it. When he raised his head, Kakashi was staring at him with a wide eye. "And I like my sex hard and fast, sometimes. Could you give that to me?"

"Yes," Kakashi said, without a pause, and there was a slight flush at his cheeks as Iruka kissed his hand again. "As long as we have it slow, sometimes."

"That's fine by me," Iruka said, and then grinned wickedly. "Now, open your legs for me. I'm going to suck your cock like it owes me chakra."

Kakashi rolled his eye, but his legs parted so that Iruka could slide down to the floor, kneeling between his thighs.

"You're so unromantic," Kakashi told him as Iruka pushed up the material of his robe. He sounded fond, though.

Iruka said, "I know," and got to work.

+

"Hello, darling. These are for you." Iruka thrust a massive bouquet of flowers at Kakashi; to his credit, Kakashi did not blush, but took them gravely. If they were alone, maybe Kakashi's face would have gone red with delight, but because there was still a little prankster inside Iruka, he had chosen to give them in the Mission Room, at the busiest time of the day.

"Thank you," Kakashi said, gazing at each flower as if they each had a private message for him. There were a few snickers from the left, but Kakashi turned his head in that direction and glared flatly. Silence reigned as Kakashi returned his attention to his bouquet, and gently touched a yellow petal with a dangerous hand.

"They're hand-picked." Iruka watched Kakashi's face. He appeared mostly impassive, as usual, but there was something deeply content in the very back of Kakashi's eye, where few people could see it. "And there's a note, too."

Kakashi turned on his heel, walking towards the exit. "I'll read it. Later," he said, and was gone.

"Later," Iruka murmured and then raised his eyebrows at the next shinobi in line. "Next?"

"Do I get flowers, too?" 

"Shut up," Iruka said, very kindly, "and give me your report."

_fin_


End file.
